Wednesday, January 03, 2007

How To Change a Diaper

I have been changing diapers for just over nine months. And like so many, I'm sure in the years to come I will have achieved an unappreciated master status, of sorts, in the day-to-day battles against the devious dirty diaper. I remember those carefree days with so much free time to sit around with video games, D+D, WoW, EVE, and the like. Now, at least for the mean time, those days are dimenished.
However, for those of you in my storm battered boat, I've come to impart my accumulated knowledge and strategy for dealing with the beastie little diapers. I must begin by saying, know your enemy! Diapers, in fact , have a deadly attack if unheeded, but are quite low in hit points and can be mastered with proper resources and planning. Here is a picture of a particularly nasty, snarling creature I recently dispatched.

Firstly, bring up your magic user. I suggest a stout 'protection from evil' spell, although, a simple 'shield' will work in a pinch. Any wizard worth his salt should have no problem with enough range and duration to complete the job. Back him off! But , have him waiting in the wings with a 'fireball' at the ready should things get out of hand.
Next, send in the thief. The 'open locks' ability is not so important as their 'move silently' and 'find/remove traps' prowess. Many a party rue the day they sent forth an incompetent thief!
Now for the big gun. Unleash the barbarian!
Now is not the time for squeamish dandies. Send in the brute heavily armed and ready for business. High constitution a definite plus. In many cases an entire party will need to save vs. poison , but your fighter is particularly vulnerable. With any luck, however, he'll slay the beast out of sight and mind before it can focus its deadly attack!
With the worst over, it is a time for healing. Hence, the cleric.
Go to the afflicted area where the creature made its lair and 'cure light wounds' with a laying on of hands. Or at the very least, with one index finger dipped in medicinal salve. Wash thoroughly with holy water afterwards.
After slaying these beasts time and again, not only will you gain valuble experience, but towns-people far and wide are sure to shower you with praise and treasures.


Gregory Adams said...

I have not gained the prestige class 'parent' yet but should it occur I will look back on these words with gratitude.


Pete Tzinski said...

Gee. What things I have to look forward to in six months or so...