Wednesday, February 14, 2007

So anyways... Violent Hamburgers by Lucien Spelman

1. The word "anyways," which is not really a word at all but a colloquialism, is one of the options that comes up in the new Firefox 2.0.0.1 integrated spell checker. In other words, if I type anyways but really mean anyway, the damn spell checker won't highlight it for me, and me, the big time editor, will happily send a business letter off into the cyber-ether that makes me look like a dildo. Now, believe it or not dildo was just highlighted, so apparently Firefox doesn't think dildo is a word. I didn't have any problem finding it in my Mirriam-Webster Online:

Main Entry: dil·do
Pronunciation: 'dil-(")dO
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural dildos also dildoes
Etymology: origin unknown
: an object resembling a penis used for sexual stimulation

Perhaps your wondering why a big time editor might need an integrated spell checker anyways, to which I say, mind your own business.



2. The world is going to hell in a handbasket.
Today I saw a Wendy's commercial that used the song Blister In The Sun by The Violent Femmes.
It's just wrong on so many levels...
The Violent Femmes selling hamburgers...
Hamburgers!


When I'm out walking
I strut my stuff
yeah I'm so strung out.
I'm high as a kite
I just might
stop to check you out.


Hamburgers... Sure. That makes sense.

Body and beats
I stain my sheets
I don't even know why.


Hamburgers... Yeah. I get it.



9 comments:

ArsGeek said...

"Body and beats
I stain my sheets
I don't even know why."

That part is simply explained. You can even try it yourself at home.

Go to Wendys or any other fast food joint. Order and consume a couple of burgers.

Later, when you're feeling a little nauseous lay down on your bed.

As you drift off to sleep you'll notice that the grease is leaching out of your body and onto your sheets.

Like throwing a potato chip into a swimming pool.

Pete said...

And anyway, I'll happily take any excuse to listen to the Violent Femmes. I like dem folk.

Firefox Spellcheck on my end is going to die prettydamnsoon. Stupid thing. Especially since, in my internet chatter, I tend to use a lot of slang or lingo (like "dem folk" up there). Leave me alone, Firefox Spellchecker!

In my MS Word, Spellcheck is the first thing to die. If I can figure out how to make it die in Firefox, it's going out der winder.

Roger said...

I happen to remember that before you were "Big time editor" you were "sensitive singer-song-writer" Back then; on this day, you'd be busy spreading rose petals on a path to the bed of your wife. What happened there may have been violent and for all I know included a dildo.
You'd of been in there doing it. Not blogging about it.
Happy VD :-)

Pete said...

......aaaaaand, Roger wins the prize for "most disturbing comment I've ever read when unable to find a fork and gouge my eyes out immediately thereafter" award, which comes with a pewter badge that weighs about thirty pounds and is shaped by some small coincidence like a dildo.

Roger said...

This is (wiping a tear from eye) a moment I dreamed of, but never thought would really happen. I have to admit I don't have a speech prepared. If I did I'm sure the last sentence would have been "The aristocrats"

Lucien said...

I'm glad. Y'know, sometimes I worry that my posts may be offensive to some, and then I read the replies.

I'm in the clear.

Pete said...

The Aristocrats was a wonderful "movie," if we deem to call it such.

And...I think you'll have to stoop lower, Lucien, sorry. Although I think we've safely ruled out a PG audience.

Peggy said...

I had the same reaction when I saw that Wendy's ad (and whenever an ad uses the opening to Baba O'Riley all I can think is "teenage wasteland"). I'm pretty sure the advertisers either have no clue what the lyrics are or figure that their target audience is too young to have heard the original song. I'd like to think it's the former, since I'm definitely not old enough yet to be unhip (or I'd at least like to believe that).

Lucien said...

I think we all want to believe that, Peggy, but what scares me is that's just what our parents thought.

Occasionally I see a commercial on television and when it's over I have no idea what product they were pitching, and I think to myself, "Oh. I guess it's happened," and I quietly dab the tears from my eyes and dig in to my liverwurst & prunes.